The Safe
Exit
Checklist.
Everything you need to gather, prepare, and protect — before you make your move. Read it somewhere safe.
This checklist is for guidance only — not legal advice. Every situation is different. If you are in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services first. Your safety comes before any document on this list.
Preparation is not panic. It is power.
Leaving is not one moment. It is a series of quiet, deliberate moves made over time. The women who leave with the most protection are not the ones who moved fastest — they are the ones who moved most prepared.
Work through this checklist at your own pace. Do what you can, when it is safe to do so. You do not need to complete everything before you act — but every item you tick off gives you more ground to stand on.
You are not running away. You are running toward something. Your safety. Your freedom. Your life on your own terms.
Urgent exit vs. planned exit.
Not every situation is the same. Some women need to move in 48 hours. Others have weeks to prepare. Know which situation you are in — and work accordingly.
- Your ID and the children's IDs
- Your phone and charger
- Emergency cash — whatever you can access
- Medications for you and the children
- One change of clothes each
- A safe place to go — even temporarily
- One trusted person who knows you are leaving
- Work through every section of this checklist
- Gather documents quietly over time
- Open a separate bank account
- Build a small financial buffer
- Secure your digital footprint
- Prepare your children where appropriate
- Have a legal consultation before you leave
Documents.
These are not just papers. In a legal process, in a shelter, in a bank — they are how you prove who you are and what you are owed. Gather them quietly. Photograph or scan everything. Store copies somewhere he cannot access — a trusted friend's home, a secure cloud account he doesn't know about, or a safety deposit box.
- ID document / identity card
- Passport — yours and the children's
- Marriage certificate
- Children's birth certificates
- Driver's licence
- Any existing protection orders or court orders
- Bank statements — at least 6 months, both joint and personal accounts
- Payslips or proof of income — yours and his if accessible
- Tax returns — last 2 years
- Insurance policies — medical aid, life, vehicle, home
- Loan and credit agreements
- Investment and retirement fund statements
- Title deed or lease agreement for the home
- Vehicle registration documents
- Photos of high-value assets — jewellery, electronics, furniture, art
Courts don't chase invisible money. If you cannot prove an asset existed, it is very difficult to claim it. Document everything now while you still have access.
- Medical aid membership documents and cards
- Prescriptions and repeat medication records
- Children's immunisation records and medical history
- Children's school reports and registration documents
- School IDs or access cards
- Any documentation of injuries or medical visits related to abuse
Finances.
Financial control is one of the most powerful traps. You do not need a fortune to leave. You need information and access. Start small. Start quietly. Start now.
- Open a bank account in your name only — at a different bank to your joint account
- Get a new bank card sent to a safe address — a trusted friend or family member
- Change your online banking passwords and email notifications
- Start moving small amounts into your account — even R50 at a time
- If you can — withdraw some cash and store it somewhere safe
- Know your credit score — check it independently
You don't need millions to leave. You need enough for the first move — transport, temporary accommodation, food. One week of breathing room can change everything.
- Screenshot or photograph bank statements showing his lifestyle spending
- Record household expenses for at least one full month — every cost
- Note any assets you are aware of — property, vehicles, investments, business interests
- If there is a business — note the name, registration number, and any financial information you can access
- Save any evidence of financial abuse — withheld money, controlled access, hidden accounts
Leaving safely isn't weakness. It's strategy. You're not running away. You're running toward freedom.
Physical safety.
Leaving is one of the most dangerous times in an abusive relationship. This is not said to frighten you — it is said so you plan with that reality in mind. The more prepared you are, the safer your exit.
- Choose a safe day and time — when he is away or predictably occupied
- Confirm your destination — a trusted friend, family member, or shelter
- Tell one person you trust — give them your plan and your timeline
- Create a code word for emergencies — one word to a trusted person that means call the police now
- Know the route you will take and have a backup route
- Know the location of your nearest police station and shelter
- If possible — apply for a Protection Order before you leave or on the same day
A go-bag is a bag packed and ready — stored at a trusted friend or family member's home, not in your house. If you need to leave quickly you can walk out with nothing and still have what you need.
Digital safety.
You would be shocked how much access he still has. Shared cloud accounts, location sharing, saved passwords, WhatsApp backups — shut every door before you open a new one.
- Email accounts — all of them
- Online banking and financial apps
- Social media accounts
- iCloud or Google account
- Recovery email address and phone number on all accounts
- Enable two-factor authentication on everything important
- Turn off location sharing on your phone
- Disable Find My Friends or Google Maps sharing
- Check for any tracking apps on your phone — delete them
- Turn off photo location data (EXIF data) on your camera
- Check if your vehicle has a tracking device
- Log out of shared devices — computers, tablets, smart TVs
- A new confidential email address — for legal and financial matters only
- Use this email for your new bank account, legal correspondence, and shelter enquiries
- Consider a prepaid SIM card for sensitive calls
- Clear your browser history after every sensitive search
- Use private/incognito browsing for any research about leaving
Your children.
Children feel your fear before they hear it. Calm, quiet planning protects them more than panic ever could. How much you tell them depends on their age and your specific situation — but their safety follows yours.
- Inform the school principal or a trusted teacher — discreetly, in person
- Update the emergency contact list at school — remove his details if safe to do so
- Advise the school who is and is not authorised to collect your children
- Gather school reports, vaccination records, and medical information
- If travelling across borders — obtain consent letters for travel
- Teach older children a safe word they can use if they feel unsafe
- Ensure they have memorised your phone number and one other trusted adult's number
- Pack comfort items — a favourite toy, blanket, or book — in the go-bag
- If they are old enough — have an age-appropriate conversation about the move
- Consider connecting them with a child counsellor after leaving
Legal first steps.
You do not need to have everything figured out legally before you leave. But knowing your immediate options gives you more power in your first days of freedom.
- Apply for a Protection Order at your nearest Magistrate's Court — it is free and can be obtained the same day in urgent situations
- If there is physical danger — report to the police and ask for a case number
- Contact Legal Aid South Africa if you cannot afford a private attorney — 0800 110 110
- Know your matrimonial regime — In Community, Out of Community with or without Accrual
- Do not sign any legal documents under pressure — you have the right to independent legal advice
- Do not vacate the family home without legal advice if possible — it can affect your rights
Leaving the family home does not automatically mean you lose rights to it. Get legal advice before you make that decision. This is one of the most important things women get wrong.
Your support network.
You cannot do this alone. You were never meant to. Identify the people and organisations that can hold you through this.
- Identify one person who knows your full situation — your safe person
- Identify one person who can take you and the children in temporarily
- Write down three important numbers and memorise them
- Consider connecting with a therapist or counsellor before or after leaving
- GBV Command Centre — 0800 428 428 (24 hours, free)
- SAPS Family Violence, Child Protection and Sexual Offences Unit
- Legal Aid South Africa — 0800 110 110 (free legal advice)
- TEARS Foundation — 010 590 5920
- Lifeline South Africa — 0861 322 322
- Your nearest women's shelter — search online for the closest one to you
You don't need the whole plan.
You just need the next move.
Tick what you can. Do what is safe. Come back to the rest when you are ready. Every item on this list is one more piece of ground you own.